License Agreement

Chapter i

Let it be stated that if you agree to this by hereby clicking "I Agree" you agree to the terms of service stated below. Let it also be stated that if the terms are breached the service will immediately stop. Let word be out that these terms are to be followed to the utmost extent, without any shortcuts or breaches. Let it be known that most people don't even read this kind of garbage, they normally get frightened by the amount of text and click "I Agree" without even understanding or caring about the terms. Let it be known and stated that if you do read this you will get far in life, as you won't fall into business traps set by evil lawyers in their satanic contracts, forged by the demons themselves.

Chapter ii

Many legal documents state the validity of agreements, especially when they are well documented. In most countries and states worldwide the law is vast, most people ignore some of it, as they feel it isn't mandatory, but I can argue that about fun. To all legalities there are oppressors, though they are to be stopped and thrown into jail or Wall Street. The interesting part about contracts and EULAs is that you can insert whatever you want into them because no one ever reads them, except the occasional lifeless human. This EULA is provided "as is" with no warranty, goat, or any substance that may save your life in a given situation.

Chapter iii

The terms that this EULA consists of are for your benefit and safety alone. Disregarding these terms of service will squander your time and revoke any benefits given due to the services supplied and protected by this agreement. As you sojourn on this platform, please refrain from doing dumb things, as they may provoke your peers. Please only access the things you need to survive, news has never saved anyone's life. Do not click on any links in chat, as they are all malicious, and may lead to your impending demise.

Chapter iv

Upon connecting to this platform you will be in a small portion of the internet called "The Darknet", but don't worry, if it's too dark just keep your phone's flashlight on. After agreeing to this EULA you will be monitored in such ways that are unheard of, even to The NSA and North Korea. The platform will save information collected from you in a secure location, but downloadable from Amazon (hardcover edition sold separately). Your information will be secure in the hands of anonymous money-hungry blackmailers and advertisers, if you get a message from them, please feel free to ignore it. Remember, always connect to Facebook and email from random, open, monitored networks.

Chapter v

At any time when you are connected to this platform you can read these terms again by typing EULA in the options menu. If you view these terms again you will be given the option to disagree, but are advised not to do so, as it will immediately trigger the self-destruct mechanism of your device. If you decide you really want to disagree now you can close tSYS, no one is forcing you to play (yet...).